Donnerstag, 3. Mai 2007

A STORY

One day, a new girl came to our school. Her name was Jane Eyre. Like me and all the other pupils she was an orphan. She lost both parents, just like me. In this school, there were only girls ho had lost one or both parents.
I was not so long on the school, I arrived just a week before Jane arrived. Like me, she was often alone. So I decided to talk to her. She seemed like a nice girl to me. I also never got much friends, so I was glad that we built up a friendship. We both got problems in school. It was a very bad school. The food was very bad, and in winter it was always very cold inside ad outside the school. Then the water we had to use to wash our self was frozen. One day Helen was hit by the teacher because her fingernails were dirty. I've met Helen 2 days before Jane met her. She was a good friend of us, always devotional. She was very intelligent. The time at the school was very bad. The saddest thing that happened to us was when Helen died. She died in front of me, in the arms of Jane. She had tuberculosis. It was a hard time for me and for Jane, but we could talk about the problem that we had. The death of Helen had starched the friendship of me and Jane.

1 Kommentar:

Guenter hat gesagt…

C? -> "she lost both her parents" -> of course, that's why she's an orphan
sp: who (1)
exp: "I was not so long on the school" (3) (Germanism)
str: Either connect sentences or make a full stop. ... I arrived .... (1)
g: many friends (2)
exp: form/develop/start up/strike up a friendship (2)
sp: ourselves (1)
t: I'd met Helen (2)
g: a good friend of ours (1)
g: Helen's death (1)
exp: "starch" = Speisestärke, Wäschestärke, ... (3)
exp: "the friendship of me and Jane" (1)

Your story is really weak and you don't try to use good vocabulary at all. That's not the level of a 6th form.